The bible is dumb – 5

Proverbs 3:28

Do not say to your neighbor, “Come back tomorrow and I’ll give it to you”— when you already have it with you.

Really bible? Was this written by a guy who went to get his lawnmower back and his neighbour wouldn’t give it to him? This seems extremely specific for a bible verse. Why not just say ‘don’t lie to people’? 

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The bible is dumb – 3

Proverbs 1:32-33

For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them; but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm.
Soo bible, the complacency of fools will destroy them, but all I have to do is listen to you and everything will be fine? Does that… does that not sound a little like complacency? 

The bible is dumb -1

It’s obvious that the bible is dumb, if only because so many uneducated people seem to agree with it. I’ve always equated it with Jerry Springer, and it’s just as fun to poke fun at. So here goes. The book of proverbs is a good place to start.

Proverbs 1:10-15

My son, if sinful men entice you, do not give in to them. If they say, “Come along with us; let’s lie in wait for innocent blood, let’s ambush some harmless soul; let’s swallow them alive, like the grave, and whole, like those who go down to the pit; we will get all sorts of valuable things and fill our houses with plunder; cast lots with us; we will all share the loot”— my son, do not go along with them.

Wouldn’t it be great if this was the level at which peer pressure operated?

‘Lets ambush some harmless soul and swallow them alive’.

‘Wait, I just have to consult the bible to see if that’s a good idea.’

 

So sick of.

I am so sick of apologies. No I am not sorry for the misunderstanding. No I am not sorry for being clear. I am being clear, and if you are misunderstanding, that is your failure, your apology. I accept your apology for not paying attention. I accept your incompetence.

Cocktails and dreams

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One of the bachelor skills I’ve developed (other than cooking, sewing and masturbation) is mixing cocktails. One of my personal favourites is my own invention, the corpse reviver #3, with gin, bellini, yuzu juice and triple sec. It’s a pretty yellow colour and it’s strong and citrusy, the way I like my cocktails. My other favourites are the classic martini, appletini and the black russian (vodka and kahlua). This evening I bought some creme de cassis, and I’m thinking about making a purple cocktail with it. Maybe a vodka one…

Anyway, for some reason although Montreal has huuge liquor stores, they are all wine and very little spirit (in contrast to the people of quebec). Seriously, does anyone need 500 different bottles of wine and only 3 kinds of gin? It is freaking impossible to get good cocktail ingredients here. I have been unable to find bitters (an ingredient in a lot of the nicest cocktails), and as for finding real grenadine (which is flavoured with pomegranate, as opposed to fake grenadine, which is just red sugar syrup, forget it. Montreal, you irk me. Gah!