Do not post your elbow

~a poem for Tumblr


Do not post pics of your elbow because

Guys be like ‘you have such beautiful elbows’

And before you know it

You’re posting nudes and

Your anus is on the internet forever

– after you die, your anus will be reblogged and fapped over unto the end of time. Thus sayeth the internet.

Do not believe any guy who says ‘I respect you’

This does not mean ‘I respect you’

– it means nothing

Do not post pics of yourself smoking pot because

the clouds settle and are gone and then

it just takes someone malicious

– things begin to crumble

Do not ever try to eat a boiled egg in a sexy way. This is not possible.

Do find someone to talk to who you can trust to be sensible and not try to get in your pants. And do remember they won’t be around forever.

Do not try to think

‘Will the me who is 20 or 25 or 30 regret this?’

that person does not exist, or is still being tinkered with

think ‘Am I doing this because I want to, and do I realize it will exist forever?’

Do not get drunk at school

You do it because your friends told you too

or / because you’re depressed

It won’t fix your friends. It won’t fix you

Do try things that are new if you can find people you trust to help you through it. Don’t try acid with a bunch of people who never tried acid before

Just don’t

Do think for a year before you get a tattoo

Do not get tattoos of band names, boyfriend names, girlfriend names, guitar names, brand names, printer names, coffee filter names or pet names

Do not get tattoos of stars

Do not get tattoos of roman numerals for that number your friends thought you should all get because you’ll be friends forever right? Right?

Do not get a tattoo that can’t be covered up if you get a fancy job or you start to hate it someday

Do be afraid of some things, especially people who encourage you by saying ‘You’re not afraid, are you?’

Do not be too quick to react. Some things are misunderstandings. Words cannot be recaptured. If you lose a friend, you may never get them back.

Do not be ashamed of yourself. Do not be ashamed of sleeping in late, of growing out of your clothes, of whatever you did last night. Do not be ashamed of needing to relax, of wanting to be alone, of changing your mind.

Do not be afraid to admit your mistakes, to grow out of your old habits. We are a little like Wikipedia. When there’s a mistake, we correct it, we grow, and we move on.

Please do not cut yourself again. There are other ways to let your pain free without losing anything precious. Call me.

Think before you click


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