Where am I going?

Since going off my meds I’ve been extra depressed. I was depressed before, and I guess I made the decision that I’d rather trade off the side effects for the risk of feeling worse overall. But now I’m questioning my whole life again. It doesn’t feel like I’m going anywhere. Sure I have all my little projects, which I work on whenever I have the energy (not very often these days) but nothing to look forward to. Nothing to suggest that in a year, five years, my life will be any better than it is now. I feel very alone.

I think that this blog is a good example of that. I started off writing a lot of my own things just for the blog… even reading other people’s blogs and commenting. I made a friend, which is a rare event for me. But now that energy seems to have gone. I don’t think I’ve read more than a post a day from other people, and I’ve definitely not commented.

I’m worried that anyone who is in touch with me will forget about me because I don’t have the energy to write them long messages. My ideas just sit in my head collecting dust, and none seem able to wriggle their way out onto the page. All I’m really doing now is posting old writing, but why? I never get any comments on it. Do people enjoy reading these things?



5 thoughts on “Where am I going?

  1. Hey, cheer up. Nobody’s alone in this world. Even in your loneliness you’re not alone. There are many just like you suffering. Don’t lose hope. Tomorrow just might be a better day. It always is.

  2. Don’t worry about the fickleness of the blogosphere. There are people, both in your virtual world and your tangible one, that care about you. I know it’s hard to see beyond the current pain, but everything, even suffering, is transient. Take care.

  3. I hardly ever comment on anyone’s wall, but trust me, I’ve read all of your posts since we “met,” and I do enjoy them.

    Take care of yourself, and use the blog not for praise, but rather for your own enjoyment. Once I figured that out for myself, my experience became a much more positive one =]

  4. I agree with the above. I love you very much and you cannot qualify that by how many times I / other people comment on your blog (not that you are). I understand that you feel alone and that this is a way to connect with others but like T said, you want it to be for you alone. If it helps you in anyways then it is worth continuing.

    Take care of yourself my love, you’re worth it.

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