You know you need to get laid when…

  • You catch yourself practicing your oral sex skills on Minigo yoghurt pots (actually this one was pretty fun)

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  • You are genuinely aroused when someone sends you a picture of their ankle
  • The ex who you have been sharing a bed with for two weeks says ‘you need to get laid’ then rolls over to go to sleep
  • Your five year old daughter is getting more action than you (she took a shower with a boy and then watched him pee!)
  • You start to think about who would have awkward pity sex with you, and how to make it happen with the minimum amount of crying before/after
  • You strongly consider flying across the country on the offchance that you might have sex ($858.18 for flights)

 

…Yes, all of these have happened to me lately.

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