B and I live 1094km away from each other, so it’s difficult to call what we have a relationship. Also she lives with her parents, who she can’t tell about me. This means I can’t call her or send her presents or randomly drop in (not that randomly dropping in over 1000km drive is an option)… any of the things that make me feel close to someone. Our relationship is largely secret from everyone she knows. She doesn’t think of me as her boyfriend, which is understandable. I’d be fine with thinking of her as my girlfriend, but I want her to want that too. She’s really too laid back to ask for that sort of thing, to ask for any kind of commitment, but I think I need that to feel that its something real.
Aside from a few little ‘young person things’ she does, she doesn’t really have any habits that annoy me. The only one that has been bugging me recently is not following through on things. This is my number one pet hate in people, and I have a really low tolerance for people who I feel have let me down. For our situation I feel like it’s important, because I need to feel like I’m getting attention, and one way to express that is to do little things for the other person. I don’t ask for those things, but if she suggests them, I feel like she should follow through. To be fair she’s better than many people I used to know, but it still bothers me.
She’s an absolute darling though, that much is true. She’s sweet to me and kind, and although she doesn’t think that she’s good at displaying affection, I’m sure she’d try if we were really together. She also happens to be gorgeous, which always helps. She has a lovely sense of style and likes pretty dresses, which I also adore on her. She’s extremely creative, and I love her art. She’s a painter, and I’ve always had a soft spot for painters. I always said that I could only seriously date someone who cared about my creative pursuits as well, and … I’m not sure if she’s quite there or not. But she has definitely tried to motivate me. Without her I wouldn’t have finished my book of poetry for sure.
Lately though, things haven’t been the same. Since we only really communicate via text, we’re at the whim of the telecom companies, and the last few months they haven’t been good to us. Texts are lost in transmission, never received, and I’ll often go most of a day without hearing from her (and maybe her from me too). Since she’s the only person I interact with on a daily basis, that’s a big gap. We haven’t had any sexting or sending each other sexy pictures in months either, which doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence that we’d have a lasting physical relationship. I suppose we’ve entered the infamous ‘friend zone’, from which there is no escape.
Overall I don’t think it will ever go anywhere, and perhaps we won’t even meet each other for real. It’s a sort of strange shared fantasy at the moment. But if she was a little older I think she’d be the closest thing to perfect for me that I’m likely to find. Sigh.