These are my pills. The pills that I take every day. When I was younger I really wanted help, but I couldn’t get it (it’s complicated). I never really imagined that help would take the form of medication, more just someone to talk to. In my head it was the classic therapy on the couch, with the wise psychiatrist asking me about my feelings. When I was a little older, say 18, I was very anti-medication, I didn’t want to depend on anyone or anything else. I’m pretty certain now that without these meds I wouldn’t be alive today. Whether I’m happy about that or not, I haven’t yet decided.
Above-pictured are my daily doses of an SSRI (a type of antidepressant), my sleeping pills and a mood stabilizer.
My attitude to medication now is that its something that helps me to be ok enough to actually work on my problems. I have to admit I’m not doing so well at that right now, but my mood has improved in the last month. 2011 was a horrible year, and 2012 didn’t start well either, but things may be looking up a little recently.
For people with mild or episodic depression, I think that meds can be super helpful. Honestly for me they haven’t made me feel that much better, I’ve still been hospitalized twice while on medication and to the ER once more. But I guess they have made enough difference to keep me alive. I’m very afraid of being medicated for the rest of my life, of relying on some little pills for my sanity. Of being in the thrall of some substance.
The side effects for me haven’t been too bad, in general. So I would say that if medication may help you, then take it. But don’t treat it as a cure, because it’s not, and don’t expect it to instantly fix you, because it won’t. And don’t feel bad that you need it, because everyone is different. Some people need coffee to get through the day, and that’s a drug addiction.