I’ve been feeling a little better the last two days. Well enough to work out and cook and do some of the things I’ve been meaning to do for ages, like read my friend’s book. Is she just a friend? I don’t think so. But more on that some other time. Anyway, I was feeling better to the point where I thought ‘hey, let’s meet some new people’.
That led me to blocker number 1: I don’t know anyone in this city. Ok so my choices are stay in, or go out and try and meet someone, preferably without drinking. Option one please! So that led me to blocker number 2: I don’t know anyone who is around online either. Where is everyone? Er, well the only people I ever see online are my ex (who I’ve now blocked), and my slightly annoying friend who I met in the psych ward. Neither is really an ideal candidate for my newly-awakened friendlust. There was only one solution. Get high and cruise e-harmony.
Now I’m fairly familiar with dating sites. Or… slightly familiar. I’ve met some great people through Craigslist, but a ‘real’ dating site always seemed to be too much work, too biased in favour of women and too depressing and desperate for me. But I was bored, and when that happens principles go out of the window. It took me a while to remember the name of e-harmony, but Stuart made a joke about it in the Big Bang Theory, and I don’t forget jokes.
e-harmony makes you fill out a monstrous questionnaire to test your personality and things, blah blah blah. It takes a long time. A really long time. I sort of felt like I could have just gone outside and talked to probably five random people in the time it took to fill it out. But after a while I figured that firstly I was getting some kind of personality analysis and secondly that anything this long and complex must have a good payoff. Clearly I had forgotten that long does not equal good. I had forgotten the lessons of Titanic.
So after hundreds and hundreds of questions and my poor old laptop almost dying from the strain of all those radio buttons, what was the result? I looked over the entire world, who would be my first match? Who would be the person I was going to awkwardly email and try to impress? Well… nobody.
I broke the machine. Yes apparently I am so picky that the entire world is just not a big enough arena to find one person who would be interested in me! I feel quite proud.
Next stop, match.com or plenty of fish!